Title: "I shoulda told you from the moment I meant you." (1/3)
Author: villegirl17 aka Brittley
Rating: Maybe PG-13
Pairing: Anamaria and Jack
Summary: Anamaria can't believe Jack could be so blind...
Disclaimer: I own the POTC movies in only a copy of them not the rights or characters, and some memorabilla but that's it.
She stared out at the waves on the distant horizon. Her spirit low and her heart heavy with longing as a secret so damning lay nestled there and her fear to accept it leaving her drained. She could never tell him, and she probably would remain like she was. She felt the ocean spray her face and closing her eyes, she imagined she was far away from him. Her daydreaming didn't last much longer.
"Ana luv, what's ya up to starin' out into the sea?"
She cringed tensing up around the shoulders hearing him talk to her was gonna be the death of her one day. Plus, it always annoyed her that he thought he should be able to call her 'luv' and shorten her whole name. No matter how many times she asked him to call her by her whole name, he never did. That arrogant smile of his would appear and he'd say something stupid that would have her smiling too. Well, not this time he couldn't count on it.
Spinning around, she met his blazing brown eyes making her choke on any hostile reply in her head. His eyes might have been brown, just as brown as her own, but the way the sun was shining in them made him look like an angel. She looked away not wanting to be caught staring at him and pretending to be indifferent.
"Nuthin' that concerns you Jack, besides I'm off duty."
"Captain. Captain Jack."
"Sorry, captain sir."
She went back to staring out at the sea wishing he'd take a hint that she didn't want his company and leave. Lowing her head she only wanted it to be as easy to forget him and the hurtful things he said about her. How could she be nursing a wounded heart if the man causing it was looking over her shoulder every five minutes. She swallowed down the tightening in her throat knowing it was the start of fresh tears. She remembered how she cried the night Jack was left on that island with Barbossa, and his men along with the blacksmith she ignored most of the time he was on the ship, and that all too good Elizabeth. She even blamed her and wished her to hell because Jack wouldn't have been in that mess if she hadn't managed to get kidnapped. Eventually, she put those thoughts away, and forced the crew to return looking for Jack. Upon finding him not there, she jumped out the ship stupidly and swam into the dark cave unarmed screaming his name. There was little relief in finding out from another pirate ship that Jack had been taken to Port Royal to be hung. All she could think was she wasn't going to save him in time, and that she could never tell him what she felt.
She shook her head remembering how little it mattered when Jack returned to the Black Pearl. In fact, it didn't matter at all if she told him anything because he was so busy for the first few weeks that he didn't pay attention to anything she said. Feeling let down and ignored, she had went to his cabin unannouced only a few days ago, and to her dismay he wasn't alone. Turns out Jack and Gibbs had been planning on asking her to leave.
"She's only a woman Gibbs, why is she such a threat to you?" Jack had commented sounding annoyed with the conversation and her hope had shot up. That was until Gibbs explained how if she left, that her share of the loot found in the future could be split less if she wasn't there.
"That's a good point Mr. Gibbs...no I can't. I can't just turn her away. Ana's like my..." Jack had said getting confused on his own words and Anamaria had stood in the dark waiting for him to say something. Waiting for him to tell Gibbs to bugger off and that he wouldn't betray her.
"Do you think you might...I dunno have feelings for ms. Ana sir?" Gibbs had asked nervously and she started to tiptoe away not really wanting him to answer that question. She already knew he claimed her heart and soul but she was rather sure also that Jack belonged only to one woman and that was the Pearl.
"I feelings for all womankind Gibbs. Anamaria is no different but...we are friends and that's as much as I intend to give her."
"Are you sure sir?? I mean, she's staying?"
"Yes. Now don't go bringing this up to her. I don't think she should know you tried to get me to throw her overboard."
"Aye aye Captain!"
She left just after that afraid she would get caught and with her heart in her mouth. Jack didn't love her and he never would. All those wasted years waiting for him and it lead to this. Why was her life so miserable?? So that night she decided that she was going to leave the Pearl the next time they made land, either that or she was jumping in the sea.
"Are you just gonna stand there luv?"
She left her thoughts and was mad now. She would take the stupid pet name when she knew it had no value to it and she would allow him to shorten her name for his own use like they were really close when they were anything but. However, she didn't want to talk to him, didn't want him monitoring her, and he was starting to make her want to hit him.
"What do you want Jack? I've done my work and if you're here to ask me to do more than ask me. Otherwise leave me alone to my thoughts."
He looked stun for a split second before the emotion was masked like always with a familiar grin. Despite herself her soul melted a little seeing him like that. Surely he was going to be the death of her.
"No need to get upset Ana savvy?? I wasn't going to tell you to get back to work."
Jack paused getting closer to her and she wanted more than anything to leave the spot she was at. Subconsciously she wanted more than anything for him to tell her something nice but she was damned if he'd catch her off guard again.
"Well??" She said impatiently. His smile disappeared before he sighed twirling a finger through his braided beard. She only watched him with mixed emotions. She was amazed at how his subtle ways could take her breath away.
" Ana, I wanted to say sorry for ignoring you these last few days."
"Don't Jack. Just leave me be!" She said through gritted teeth hoping he would leave.
Jack's eyes seemed to be pleading for her to listen but she wouldn't. Her heart was his and he didn't want it, and she was too bitter to talk at the moment.
"Captain please...not now."
She said and started to saunter away back to her room. He grabbed her wrist and try as she might, she wasn't that strong.
"Let me go you daft monkey!"
She screamed righting herself just enough to turn and slap him full on. He took it without a word and only held on tighter.
"Anamaria stop this please and just talk to me."
She begun thrashing around but found that useless too. As she gave up struggling, she also gave up holding in the tears. She bowed her head so her hair could hide them, but it didn't matter. She didn't care what he thought of her anymore. She wailed low in her throat before she could stop it and Jack pulled her in his arms.
"Shh Anamaria. Shh...I'm so sorry for whatever it was I did to hurt you."
She only nodded wanting to believe it and hoping that maybe she heard wrong about his conversation with Gibbs. She risked her life for him and she wanted to believe whatever he'd tell her. At that thought, she remembered where she was and who she was. She went stiff in his arms knowing she couldn't do this to herself. She had to get away from him even if that meant jumping to her death in the middle of the bone chilling ocean.
"Jack let me go. Please."
"I know you say you're sorry, but I don't think you truly know what you're suppose to be apologizing to me for so just...just let me go."
Jack ignored her words it seemed as he wiped a few of her tears away. When he brought her face upwards to stare into her eyes she wanted to cry again. His eyes were so dark and so serious that it frightened her to see him so. Before she could protest again to him holding her, his lips were upon her own. She closed her eyes hating herself for it but desperately needing the touch of him. His skin like silk and tasting of rum and salt but she didn't pull away just yet. She honestly didn't know why she didn't protest or fight harder but perhaps she was just all out of fighting. When he pulled away she refused to open her eyes until she heard him speaking to her.
"You don't have to go Ana. Luv, whatever it is I did, just tell me and I swear I'll make it right."
Fresh tears began to fall from her eyes making her feel even more out of place. Usually she was so tough that not even battle wounds made her cry but she seriously was all out of hope. She wondered why he was doing this and why now.
"You can't take back not wanting what others give you freely Jack!" she cried vehemently before breaking free and racing to her cabin. Once safely away from him with the door locked, she stopped to catch her breath only when her face hit the pillow. She curled into a ball and silenty wept until she could no longer stay awake. She drifted off to sleep like she did some many times as a frightened child on her father's plantation. Alone and full of sorrow.